My White Elephant

This one's going to read a bit like rambling but the problem with White Elephants in the room is that u cant talk bout them, write bout them, address them or mess with them and the easiest way out is to just ignore it till u can (though it might want to make u burst out with all the concealed aggression).

I wake up and the first thing i need to address is the one thing i leave unspoken...maybe the lack of courage is because i dont want to spoil the day or i am waiting for it to be addressed or i just dont know what to say...i dont know why i cant address it. The white elephant in my room just gives me a mind block which leaves me confused and contemplative at the end of the day.

Sometimes i just want to kick the white elephant out of my life and be done with it...but then sumwhere deep down i know i am not capable of it so why waste the effort trying. Its much easier to keep the silence and learn to live with it or forget it exists outside the context.

Meri Maa Superstar

Dear Mom

I love you a lot but i dont say it enough...here are the reasons why

1. Stop checking the contents of my bag and letters...i am 30 and single and obviously am upto things that are no good, but do i want to share them with you - Not really...if there is something i want to tell u i will tell u...stop thinking of yourself as ACP Pradyuman
2. Stop asking my friends uncomfortable questions whenever they land up at our place...what they do in their personal lives is none of our business and ur curiosity is no reason to embarrass them...poor things get traumatized into reevaluating their lives after your interrogation
3. Stop telling all our relatives that what a great martyr you are because you cook for ur children...we have offered to hire you a cook multiple times and you refuse because you want to be the martyr.
4. Stop using tears every time things dont go your way...we are not your husband that we will melt looking at your wet eyes...guess its too much soap operas acting out
5. Stop reminding us everything 100 times...if we are smart enough to be employed by fairly large companies and trusted to do our jobs...trust me we can manage to lock doors and close windows properly without multitude of reminders
6. Stop trying to get things done ur way using the melodrama and emotional blackmails...sometimes try using please and thank you instead...if u can use it for you bais then children are not so behind.
7. Stop asking me why my single friends are single...trust me when i say all of them are completely normal and just waiting to fall in love (and i dont know how u have learnt about homosexuality and why u think of asking me weird but funny questions)
8. Stop thinking that if i get a tattoo done it would be end of the world and it would make me completely unmarriagable

I hope you never read my blog maa and continue to believe everything i tell u

Love you

It's not u...it's me

Even though all the relationships issues around me are varying...it seems that the advice i am dishing out is the same - tell her/him "Its not you...its me" who is the problem.

So here are the strange instances where i have given the same advice...

1. I don't like the guy that my parents have shortlisted but cant find a reason to say no as there is really nothing wrong with him...and i cant explain to people and esp him that i dont have the hots for him. - Tell him its not you...its me who is not ready to get committed

2. I broke up with her but still want some action but without the strings...so how do i get rid of her the morning after - Tell her its not you...its me who can't handle such intense emotions at this point in my life.

3. He is really attractive but the minute he started speaking i started snoozing...gawd he was so boring - Tell him its not you...its me who has bad work life and cant find the time to catch up again (add i hate my boss and company for effect)

4. I need to act a little hard to get as she thinks she is god's gift to mankind and i agreed initially so ended up giving too much bhav...now i disagree so need to get some tlc - Tell her its not you...its me who feels sometimes unloved by the world and withdraws into my shell

5. He wants us to get serious but i am not even sure i want to see him next week - Tell him its not you...its me who is a indecisive fool and still needs to understand love

I know the extended excuses are quite lame but lets just say that ppl are kind enuf and trying to soften the blow...Life would be so much simpler if people could just say...

1. U r so not my type
2. I just want sex
3. U r a boring loser
4. Dude even i need some importance in this relationship
5. Take it easy dude

Legen...wait for it...dary

I have this nagging itch to always go and fall for the bad boy and Barney Stinson makes the best bad boy on television...so here is a full on timepass note to why i find him Legen...wait for it...dary. 

1. He is the epitome of a bad boy and most single and strange women prefer them over the nice guys (which at times reads sissy/ted)
2. The effort he puts into his pick-up lines shows how sincere he is bout having those one night stands with those women...much better than guys who just play on their good looks
3. His precise planning to have affairs that set some records (The Perfect Week) shows dedication to the cause and lack of dependence on sheer luck
4. His ability to fantasize bout other women when he was with Robin shows that his path is decided and he does not change his course irrespective of the persuasion
5. He is a teacher and a preacher to his wingmans and his blog on picking up women is a wonderful lesson to men worldwide (It really exists and is hilarious)
6. The suits - OMG are gorgeous and we all know guys looks their best in them
7. His ability to accept challenges even when no one is throwing them shows courage
8. He can phase himself out from the middle of any discussion...wow i wish i could do that during so many chats...i admire
9. He can dump his bros for hot babes any time...shows that he prioritizes women 
10. Lastly we all can assume, he is G(Great)IB

Thoughts from just before i turned 30 (not so long ago :D)

I never agreed that there was any linkage between age and introspection till the bloody 30th birthday started looming around and killing all the joy from 2011…unlike the nice and decent people I know the introspection is not really about money, house, family and things that improve quality of life, but the introspection is about how life can go madder.

Lets define madder in my book – Madder should include adventure sports, serious wanderlusting, random conversations with strangers, secret affairs, bets which sound stupid and shopping sprees that make me poverty stricken as hmm madness which is supported by multiple pairs of stilettos is always a nice crazy.

Well madness is in the futuristic wish list and surprisingly the introspection has stopped being about not being in a committed relationship as being single at 30 doesn’t affect me as single at 25 did. The deterrent reason is very simple – mom has stopped pestering me bout getting married and left me to find my own destiny which though is taking a lot of time to unfold.

I have been told by many cool single women who already reside on the other side of 30 that it is not a big deal and if u forget that it is ur birthday (which alcohol can help do), life moves on without too much ado. To be on the safe side I am adding spa to the drunk frenzy plan for the birthday just to take the edge off.

My introspections doesn’t need a conclusive ending but maybe a background story can give a little context…a upsetting day at work, a phone call from a dear friend about an equally boring day and HBO playing Julie and Julia, where Julie Powell’s story just got me typing with a back of mind thought on whether writing about it would make the 30s lill more madder.

Salt and Pepper

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As a friend's research mail does rounds with the quest to find 'Why do most of the men we find hot, are OLD!' i felt like paying ode to salt and pepper hair.

Dear Salt and Pepper haired gentleman

Because of your awesome hair we believe that you are a gentleman by default and irrespective of how smart you are, we will think you are one of the most interesting human being we are ever going to come across. As we look at you adoringly, in our subconscious it is the images of George Clooney and Richard Gere which are constantly flashing and the thought itself makes us go weak in the knee.

We believe that your hair gene makes u want to hold chairs, pay bills and open doors for all women u care for. Also we are sure that this hair color will only come to you if you are seriously rich and simultaneously generous about giving out expensive gifts. Your definite Phd/professional qualifications are not as important to us as your ability to discuss all topics with equal amount of knowledge.

It is obvious to us that because of your smart hairdo, you would have an equally sharp dressing sense and no doubt cavalli or armani are your favorite designers and u so prefer hermes ties and dunhill cufflinks, but dont worry we will like u as much in your ck jeans and polo shirts (Prefer whites though as it brings out your fair complexion).

Sometimes we feel that you are so perfect, you have to be gay, but u r just the right amount of metrosexual. Some days when u dont like driving your Audi to work, we love checking you out on that Harley that you spend time personally maintaining. Would really appreciate being asked for a long drive though :)

We hope that someday soon we get to meet in person

Yours lovingly

Drooler