The untold story of my wanderlust

I watched Queen yesterday…lovely movie and as 'single girl travelling the world with a backpack' is totally my thing, lot of people had messaged to tell me that the movie reminded them of me.

Well i am also a Queen in my own head and except making gol gappas to prove my Indianness, I have pretty much have had all the experiences that Kangana’s character has in the movie…but wanted to jot down a real picture of what happens on a soul searching trip

Lets start with the basics…wen I take off on a trip, my communication with family is limited to messages which say ‘ I have reached safely’ and ‘ok I am taking the return flight now and someone needs to pick me up from the airport’. Any communication beyond this classifies as emergency and worries my mom.

In Europe, the chances are that you would visit way more churches than parties. At some point after the 10^th church you can paint your own version of mother and child.

Also wen a homeless guy follows you and u feel scared, don’t fight, give up the bag but like a good gujju negotiate to keep the passport and cab fare. Or like me find a french man walking his dog and get him to drop u to ur hotel.

If you meet anyone Indian on the trip, trust me 80% probability is that they would be gujjus and you would be offered theplas. All they will do is give me a 'homely' feeling which is not a good thing.

If you take a mixed room at a Hostel, there is 99% probability that no one hot would be staying there and even if they are gorgeous, the shared bathroom will make you look at all the hot men in your room in a very different and extremely poor light. Also all the guys who stay in hostels are on a shoestring budget and are not going to buy you drinks.

If you manage to get on a bar to dance, trust me you will get your Italian hottie there itself and he is going to come up to you say ‘beautiful’ and will expect you to make out with him on the basis of that singular uttered word. Depending on his hotness levels we have to decide to be or not to be…but whatever happens, we are not going to remember anything next day thanks to a horrible hangover.

Lastly avoid swiping credit cards whose alerts go to your parents as forget sex shops, any basic shopping alerts also will lead to a through questioning on all ur spends wen u r back.

All these thoughts aside, after Queen i cant wait to take off to Paris and Amsterdam

The Converted Gujju

Gawd I had completely forgotten about this blog I started

Now that I have decided I want to blog  seriously and try and get some freebies out of it (got my corporate perspective on how bloggers make money 'RESPECT' )...I am going to be sincere bout my blogging

So today was a tough realization day for in my single and strange life...everyone who knows me will vouch for my gujjuness which personifies my inability to spend money on anything I don't think is worth and that is what made today strange.

It all started last week when Surabhi  told me bout this friends and family sale where Bottega, Tumi, Armani, Furla were on a super 70% sale. Now a year and half back none of these names would have meant anything to me but this last job has tortured me into if not appreciating, atleast understanding luxury.

So yest I managed to convince people to wake up at 8.00 am on a Saturday and stand with me in line so that we are first ones in when the sale starts...we reach on time and run and I start buying for me and my absentee friend who is digitally shopping through wassapp. And we shopped and shopped and shopped.

So after blowing away a bomb of money which I desperately needed to save on things I really did not need, I am now sitting and judging myself and thinking why is my Paul Smith scarf different from my Zara or Colaba street scarf.

And am simultaneously thinking I sud have bought that Bottega Wallet, which was a steal at 20000...My dear khushboo, when have u ever bought a wallet for more than 3000 is also a question I am asking myself.

Among this medley of poor and rich thoughts I finally figured that I have been turned...I am a luxury customer (though a friends and family sale one, but still...). I am horrified at the thought that I will some day be ok with spending few lakhs over a bag or a shoe.

Somebody save me from myself  :p

My White Elephant

This one's going to read a bit like rambling but the problem with White Elephants in the room is that u cant talk bout them, write bout them, address them or mess with them and the easiest way out is to just ignore it till u can (though it might want to make u burst out with all the concealed aggression).

I wake up and the first thing i need to address is the one thing i leave unspoken...maybe the lack of courage is because i dont want to spoil the day or i am waiting for it to be addressed or i just dont know what to say...i dont know why i cant address it. The white elephant in my room just gives me a mind block which leaves me confused and contemplative at the end of the day.

Sometimes i just want to kick the white elephant out of my life and be done with it...but then sumwhere deep down i know i am not capable of it so why waste the effort trying. Its much easier to keep the silence and learn to live with it or forget it exists outside the context.

Meri Maa Superstar

Dear Mom

I love you a lot but i dont say it enough...here are the reasons why

1. Stop checking the contents of my bag and letters...i am 30 and single and obviously am upto things that are no good, but do i want to share them with you - Not really...if there is something i want to tell u i will tell u...stop thinking of yourself as ACP Pradyuman
2. Stop asking my friends uncomfortable questions whenever they land up at our place...what they do in their personal lives is none of our business and ur curiosity is no reason to embarrass them...poor things get traumatized into reevaluating their lives after your interrogation
3. Stop telling all our relatives that what a great martyr you are because you cook for ur children...we have offered to hire you a cook multiple times and you refuse because you want to be the martyr.
4. Stop using tears every time things dont go your way...we are not your husband that we will melt looking at your wet eyes...guess its too much soap operas acting out
5. Stop reminding us everything 100 times...if we are smart enough to be employed by fairly large companies and trusted to do our jobs...trust me we can manage to lock doors and close windows properly without multitude of reminders
6. Stop trying to get things done ur way using the melodrama and emotional blackmails...sometimes try using please and thank you instead...if u can use it for you bais then children are not so behind.
7. Stop asking me why my single friends are single...trust me when i say all of them are completely normal and just waiting to fall in love (and i dont know how u have learnt about homosexuality and why u think of asking me weird but funny questions)
8. Stop thinking that if i get a tattoo done it would be end of the world and it would make me completely unmarriagable

I hope you never read my blog maa and continue to believe everything i tell u

Love you

It's not u...it's me

Even though all the relationships issues around me are varying...it seems that the advice i am dishing out is the same - tell her/him "Its not you...its me" who is the problem.

So here are the strange instances where i have given the same advice...

1. I don't like the guy that my parents have shortlisted but cant find a reason to say no as there is really nothing wrong with him...and i cant explain to people and esp him that i dont have the hots for him. - Tell him its not you...its me who is not ready to get committed

2. I broke up with her but still want some action but without the strings...so how do i get rid of her the morning after - Tell her its not you...its me who can't handle such intense emotions at this point in my life.

3. He is really attractive but the minute he started speaking i started snoozing...gawd he was so boring - Tell him its not you...its me who has bad work life and cant find the time to catch up again (add i hate my boss and company for effect)

4. I need to act a little hard to get as she thinks she is god's gift to mankind and i agreed initially so ended up giving too much bhav...now i disagree so need to get some tlc - Tell her its not you...its me who feels sometimes unloved by the world and withdraws into my shell

5. He wants us to get serious but i am not even sure i want to see him next week - Tell him its not you...its me who is a indecisive fool and still needs to understand love

I know the extended excuses are quite lame but lets just say that ppl are kind enuf and trying to soften the blow...Life would be so much simpler if people could just say...

1. U r so not my type
2. I just want sex
3. U r a boring loser
4. Dude even i need some importance in this relationship
5. Take it easy dude

Legen...wait for it...dary

I have this nagging itch to always go and fall for the bad boy and Barney Stinson makes the best bad boy on television...so here is a full on timepass note to why i find him Legen...wait for it...dary. 

1. He is the epitome of a bad boy and most single and strange women prefer them over the nice guys (which at times reads sissy/ted)
2. The effort he puts into his pick-up lines shows how sincere he is bout having those one night stands with those women...much better than guys who just play on their good looks
3. His precise planning to have affairs that set some records (The Perfect Week) shows dedication to the cause and lack of dependence on sheer luck
4. His ability to fantasize bout other women when he was with Robin shows that his path is decided and he does not change his course irrespective of the persuasion
5. He is a teacher and a preacher to his wingmans and his blog on picking up women is a wonderful lesson to men worldwide (It really exists and is hilarious)
6. The suits - OMG are gorgeous and we all know guys looks their best in them
7. His ability to accept challenges even when no one is throwing them shows courage
8. He can phase himself out from the middle of any discussion...wow i wish i could do that during so many chats...i admire
9. He can dump his bros for hot babes any time...shows that he prioritizes women 
10. Lastly we all can assume, he is G(Great)IB

Thoughts from just before i turned 30 (not so long ago :D)

I never agreed that there was any linkage between age and introspection till the bloody 30th birthday started looming around and killing all the joy from 2011…unlike the nice and decent people I know the introspection is not really about money, house, family and things that improve quality of life, but the introspection is about how life can go madder.

Lets define madder in my book – Madder should include adventure sports, serious wanderlusting, random conversations with strangers, secret affairs, bets which sound stupid and shopping sprees that make me poverty stricken as hmm madness which is supported by multiple pairs of stilettos is always a nice crazy.

Well madness is in the futuristic wish list and surprisingly the introspection has stopped being about not being in a committed relationship as being single at 30 doesn’t affect me as single at 25 did. The deterrent reason is very simple – mom has stopped pestering me bout getting married and left me to find my own destiny which though is taking a lot of time to unfold.

I have been told by many cool single women who already reside on the other side of 30 that it is not a big deal and if u forget that it is ur birthday (which alcohol can help do), life moves on without too much ado. To be on the safe side I am adding spa to the drunk frenzy plan for the birthday just to take the edge off.

My introspections doesn’t need a conclusive ending but maybe a background story can give a little context…a upsetting day at work, a phone call from a dear friend about an equally boring day and HBO playing Julie and Julia, where Julie Powell’s story just got me typing with a back of mind thought on whether writing about it would make the 30s lill more madder.